If only I were Stronger
by Linguistic Chaos
Summary: She may not have been able to save Sasuke, but she could still save her other precious people. She could still get stronger, she could still train and make a difference.
1. Farewell my Love

Hey guys.

This is my first fan fiction so please forgive me if its not that good. I would really appreciate it if you could please give me feedback. Like, if I've done something well or I need to improve on something, that would be really helpful to a new writer like me. Thanks and I hope you like it :)

* * *

The day had started off as any other day had for the past week. Team Seven would rise in the morning, eat breakfast with Tazuna and his family, and then either go guard the bridge or practise tree climbing depending on the individual's level of chakra control. All three genin had finally mastered the tree climbing exercise, and so the whole team - save Naruto who was still recovering from exhaustion - had trooped off to guard the bridge. It had been a pleasant morning, Kakashi had finally recovered from his fight with Zabuza, everyone was in a good mood. Everything was going fine.

That is, until they reached the bridge. That was when everything started going wrong.

Sakura had been too busy casting longing glances at Sasuke to notice Kakashi's gesture to stop. She only realised when she collided with his back. Although most of his face was covered, the chastising glance the Jonin shot her was all too clear. Blushing, she mumbled an apology and backed up. Redressing the problem at hand, Kakashi turned back towards the bridge, scanning the structure for any sign of movement.

"It's too quiet," he mused "Normally we would be able to hear the sounds of the workers by now."

"They could be taking a break" Sasuke suggested.

"It's too early for a lunch break. And besides, we would still be able to hear conversation." Kakashi's normally lazy eye had become calculating.

"Could it be Zabuza?" The missing-nin drifted through Sakura's thoughts. His icy glare and monstrous sword had been the contents of her nightmares for the past week.

Kakashi's brow furrowed. "Quite possibly"

They continued forward, this time surrounding Tazuna more tightly, forming a protective triangle around the bridge builder. As they walked across the bridge five distant shapes could be seen lying on the ground. Sakura was squinting, trying to make out the shapes when Tazuna released a sudden, anguished cry and pushed past their defenses to run to his fallen comrades.

"Wha- What's this?!"

As Tazuna grieved over his friends and Team Seven repositioned their defence around him, a slight haze descended on the bridge. It slowly thickened into a mist, growing heavier and heavier, obscuring the group's surroundings.

Kakashi was the first to notice, "Here they come!" he shouted causing everyone to tense and the shinobis' hands to hover over weapon pouches.

"Kakashi sensei, this is… this is his hidden mist jutsu, right?" Sakura's voice sounded weaker to her than she would have liked. The mist was so thick by now that she couldn't see further than a meter away from her.

"Long time no see, Kakashi" the ominous voice drifted out from the mist, seemingly coming from all directions. "I see you're still with those brats. He's shaking again, poor kid."

This comment caused Sakura to glance at Sasuke. He was, as Zabuza said, trembling. But he also wore a smirk on his face so she didn't think that his shaking was from fear. The thought lifted Sakura's spirits. Sasuke-kun was never afraid. After all, what was there to fear when he was so strong and cool?

The mist suddenly cleared enough to reveal the multiple clones surrounding them and Sakura's newfound spark of confidence died in an icy wash of fear.

Sasuke's voice cut through the silence and returning that spark. "I'm shaking from excitement."

To her right, Kakashi gave his trademark one eyed smile and simply said "Do it, Sasuke."

What happened after that was a mash of tense stand offs and blood filled fighting. At one point, Naruto appeared in his usual dramatic way and cemented his title as Konoha's Number One Knucklehead Ninja by getting caught in Haku's kekkei Genkai trap along with Sasuke.

Sakura had not been involved in the fighting, stationed as she was to protect Tazuna. Most of the time her attention was concentrated on Sasuke in the ice dome. At one point she even tried to help him by launching a kunai into the dome only for it to be intercepted by Haku. Watching the senbon fly and Sasuke and Naruto's desperate attempts to defend and retaliate, it took all Sakura's willpower not to disobey her orders and run to their aid. But disobeying her orders meant abandoning Tazuna. She would not do that. She had taken responsibility for his safety when she had accepted this mission and she would not go back on her word now. Besides, what could she do to help Sasuke anyway? She was only a skilless genin and their opponent was too fast and too deadly. She would not stand a chance.

 _'Sasuke will be fine, he is strong. He will come out on top in the end, he always does'_

He always does.

Then why was she sitting here now, after the fight, weeping over his beaten, lifeless form. This was not happening, how could it? Sasuke was too strong for this. This was just a cruel genjutsu someone had placed over her, or… or a nightmare. She had somehow fallen unconscious and was dreaming.

But the cold form she hugged close, the motionless chest under her tearstained cheek, all felt too real to be a dream. And the seal formed with numb fingers along with the broken "kai" she uttered did not reveal the real world behind the illusion.

He was gone. Sasuke was… he was… dead.

The sobs intensified. Sakura felt like she was choking. Choking on a huge lump lodged in her throat. It was cutting off her air ways, condemning her for letting this happen. Because it was her fault. She was the one who stood on the sidelines while everyone else was fighting for their lives. She was the one to hide behind everyone else's strength.

 _'If only I had just forgotten the mission. If only I had gone to help them. If only I_ could _have helped them. If only… I were stronger.'_


	2. I Will Protect Them

Sasuke's face stared back at her from behind the glass of the picture frame, his expression fixed in a scowl.

It had been two weeks since Sasuke's death. The remainder of Team Seven had returned to Konoha with the body after dealing with the remainder of Gato's men. Sakura had travelled in a trance, only speaking when necessary, barely eating unless ordered to, staring into the distance as they ran, not noticing the worried glances her team sent her. When they returned, they had been given one week leave to come to terms with their teammate's death. Sakura had attended the funeral along with the rest of Team Seven and the Konoha Nine now turned Konoha Eight, and sat with glazed over eyes, not really listening as the Hokage spoke about how great and promising a boy Sasuke had been. She hadn't been able to stay as they carved his name into the memorial stone, she couldn't bare to watch as the rock was slowly chipped away into the form of his name. It would have been like she was letting him go, coming to terms with the fact that Sasuke was no longer with them, and she couldn't do that, not yet. His memory was still too fresh in her mind. And so she had slipped out of the clearing, away from the memorial stone. She had weaved through the crowd that had come to mourn his death and returned home. No one had tried to stop her, only gave her pitying looks.

And so, there she was lying on her bed and staring at the framed photo of Team Seven in her hands. It had been taken around a month ago, a couple of days before they left on the mission to the Land of Waves. Sasuke and Naruto had just had another one of their squabbles over who was better at this and that. They both had their prides sorely bruised when Kakashi had come along and beaten them soundly in order to shut them up, hence their scowling in the photo. Sakura dearly wished that she could go back to that time. If she had known what was to come she would have never allowed them to go on that mission. She didn't care how she did it, she would have found a way to stop them. Or she could have gotten stronger, trained so that she could have helped, and stopped being a burden to Sasuke.

But it was no use anymore. He was dead. Sakura hugged the photo against her chest as the waterworks began again. It was over. She couldn't save him now. She couldn't do anything, no matter what she did, nothing would make a difference.

Faces flashed across her thoughts. Ino, Naruto, Kakashi, her parents, and more. All those who had someplace in her heart darted across her mind. There were those who were still living, those that she cared for, those that could die just as easily as Sasuke had. No, she was wrong. There was something she could do. She may not have been able to save Sasuke, but she could still save her other precious people. She could still get stronger, she could still train and make a difference.

Sitting up on her bed, Sakura placed the photograph on the bedside table. She glanced at it one last time, eyes burning with determination, before she stood and began pacing her bedroom, deep in thought.

Where should she start in her quest to grow stronger? After a moment's contemplation she decided to pinpoint her weaknesses and go from there. Soon after, she came to the rather embarrassing realisation that other than book smarts and chakra control, she had nothing but weaknesses. She had an efficiency for genjutsu, but she had never tried to realise that potential, she could use a few accademy level ninjutsu, but that was nothing too flashy, her taijutsu and strength were pretty much non-existent, and her speed and chakra reserves sucked. Well, she had a lot to work on.


	3. The Dango Thief

Ever the faithful bookworm, Sakura's first stop was to the library. The ceiling high shelves packed full with books and scrolls surrounded her, wrapping her in the scent of old paper. She breathed in, the smell calming her frayed nerves. She had always loved the library. Not only was it a reliable source of information and entertainment, but it was also the place she went when in search of solace. It calmed her and hid her from the world. She had often come here when she was small. Before she had met Ino, before she had a friend to stand up for her, she had come here to escape the cruelty of the other children. The library was her haven.

She drifted down the narrow aisles, searching section after section for books which could help her to her goal. She had built up a large pile already and was lugging it around in her arms. She was considering getting the pile issued and dropping it off home before coming back for more due to the fact that it had reached her eye level and was in danger of obscuring her view, when a particular book caught her interest. Awkwardly placing her pile on the floor, she walked over to where she had seen the book and pulled it out. it was a book on poisons. Curious, she flipped through the pages. It was an encyclopedia of poisons from all five shinobi nations. She had never considered learning about poisons as a way gain strength, but she supposed it could be interesting and useful.

'The more skills and knowledge the better, right Sasuke?'

Her shoulders slumped at the memory of her lost love. But straightened as she resolved to not think about Sasuke for now. It would only hinder her advance toward her goal.

She placed the book atop her pile and then went about the arduous chore of picking it up without anything falling off.

* * *

She returned the pile home and intended to go back to the library for more, but the journey to her house had taken longer than expected due to the amount of books she was carrying. She had dropped her pile four times and by the time she had reached her home she was gasping for breath and her arms were aching from the strain. A trip between her house and the library would normally take fifteen minutes tops, this time it had taken half and hour. It annoyed her that such a simple thing would tire her so easily. It just showed her how weak she currently was and how far she had to go before she could consider herself adequately strong.

She had forgone lunch earlier that day and her stomach was beginning to protest it's neglect, so grabbing the book on top of the pile, which just happened to be the poisons encyclopedia, she left the house in search of food. She would return to the library later when her body's needs had been dealt with.

Ten minutes later found her sitting in a dang shop, her nose buried in her book. Every now and then she would take a sip of her cooling tea or nibble distractedly on a stick of dango from the plate next to her.

She had just gotten up to a page about a type of poison from Sunagakure which kills the victim slowly over a period of weeks by eroding away at their insides when a voice interrupted her reading.

"Hey kid, you gonna eat those?"

She glanced up to see woman standing beside her table, pointing at her dango. The woman was a shinobi; Sakura could see from her forehead protector, which was almost covered by her fringe.

She glanced at the dango, contemplating whether or not she should share her late lunch. Her stomach decided for her by letting out a particularly loud grumble.

"Yes" She said, pulling the plate towards her protectively.

"Dang," the woman pouted "Can you spare even one?"

The answering growl from Sakura's stomach was loud enough for both of them to hear this time.

The woman grinned at Sakura's blush. "I understand. The names Anko, by the way. Mitarashi Anko."

"Haruno Sakura" Sakura replied with a smile.

Anko peered inquisitively at her, "One of Kakashi's kids?"

"Yeah"

"I heard about your teammate," she said as she slipped into the seat next to Sakura. "You have my sympathy."

"Oh, thanks." Sakura's mood plummeted at the mention of Sasuke.

Seeing this Anko tried to change the subject, "So, what're you reading?"

"It's an encyclopedia on poisons from all five shinobi nations."

"Hmm? So you wanna learn about poisons?"

"Yeah. I want to learn how to make some of them. They could be useful in comba-"

She was cut of by a loud snort. "As if you'd be able to learn anything decent from a mouldy old book like that."

Sakura was momentarily shocked speechless. This woman was, to put it politely, very… blunt. When her scattered thoughts returned to her, Sakura immediately jumped in to defend her beloved book.

"It's not Mouldy. And it has quite a lot of good information, actually." she said testily.

"But books can only get you so far. What you need is hands on experience."

Sakura was about to say that books had gotten her quite far, thank you very much, when she realised that she could hardly say that considering her current skill level. So instead she asked "Well where would I be able to get hands on experience?"

"Hmm. You could find a teacher."

Sakura had a suspicion where this was going. "Where would I find a teacher?"

Anko's voice took on a mischievous tone, "Well, that's easy, I think I know someone who would be willing, as long as you gave her some dango."

Sakura's brows furrowed "Why would you?"

"I thought I might do Kakashi a little favour by taking one of his hellions off his hands for a while, besides, it might be fun taking on a student." She reached across and ruffled Sakura's hair.

"And I only need to give you my dango?" She stared at the woman quizzically.

"Yep" came the answering chirp.

She sighed and looked down resignedly at her barely touched dango. She should have eaten them when she had the chance instead of ignoring her stomach and reading. Reluctantly pushing the plate across towards Anko, she cursed herself for her own stupidity. Now she was going to have to walk home hungry. She tried to shut out the older woman's blissful moans as she savoured the dango and ignore the grumbling ache in her stomach.

Finally finished, Anko got up.

"Alright kid, see you at training ground seven in the morning, five o'clock sharp," was tossed over her shoulder as she made her way out.

Sakura sat there, staring dismally at the plate, now very empty in front of her. It seemed that all sensei had a talent for mooching food off their students. Kakashi was proficient at it as well, making a point to hone his skills on her and her teammates regularly. She sighed dreading what she had just gotten herself into.

But at least she now had someone to teach her about poisons.


	4. Sniffer Dog Training

Loud, obnoxious buzzing jolted Sakura from her sleep. With a moan she reached over and grabbed her alarm clock. After fumbling around with the buttons for a few seconds she finally manage to turn the god damned noise off. What time was it? It couldn't really be time to get up yet, could it? She squinted at the glowing digits, wondering what on earth had possessed her to set her alarm to 4.00 in the morning. After a few moments contemplation, she remembered. Her new sensei, Anko had told her to meet her at 5.00 at training ground seven. That was a good person to blame for her early wake up call. Muttering about fucking crazy, sadistic senseis, Sakura burrowed back into her haven of warm feather duvet and sheets. It was too early to get up just yet. She would get up soon. Just five more minutes…

 _'Except, Sasuke wouldn't say that, would he?'_

Sakura froze at the thought. No, he wouldn't. He would get up, despite the early morning. He would suck it up and face the day head on. If he had goal, he would do whatever it took to reach it.

 _'Would he be disappointed in me for not facing my goal?'_

Yes, yes he would. She could see it in her mind now, his scowling face looking at her with disdain, his voice saying "Tch, you're so annoying."

With that thought in mind, she threw back her covers and hauled herself out of bed, groaning all the way.

…

The streets were mostly empty this early in the morning. Only the occasional shinobi leaving for or returning from a mission. The sun was just beginning to peek out from behind the horizon and the avian population of Konohagakure and it's surrounding forests was out in force. The morning chorus was so loud that Sakura was amazed that she was able to sleep through it every other morning.

When she got to the training ground, she found the surrounding area deserted. A quick check of the time told her it was 4.58.

 _'I would have thought she would be here by now. Unless she's taking the 5.00 sharp thing literally. I just hope she's not like Kakashi and takes an hour at best to get here.'_

Plopping down at the base of a tree, she scowled at the memory of her other sensei's unfortunate habit and the aggravation it caused her and her teammates- teammate. His ridiculous excuses made it all the more annoying. Lost on the path of life indeed.

Too caught up was she in her musings, that she failed to notice the chakra signature approaching until it was right in front of her.

"Morning kid," a cheerful voice greeted, "bright eyed and bushy tailed, I see."

Anko grinned cheekily at the answering disgruntled glare before getting down to business.

"Ok, kid," she said sitting in front of Sakura and dropping a bag in between them, "I've only got a couple of hours before I have to head over to my work at T&I so let's get started."

Sakura's eyes lit up, eager for knowledge. "What kind of poison are you going to teach me to make first?"

Anko raised a brow, "Poison making? Heck kid, you gotta learn the basics first."

Sakura squashed her feeling of disappointment and questioned the older woman instead. "What are we going to do then?"

"Well, I'm going to teach you how to recognise the smell of some of the ingredients used in poisons!" She said this with a flourish, tipping out the contents of her bag onto the ground, as if sniffing out ingredients was the greatest thing in the world and anyone would want to learn it.

Sakura just raised her eyebrow quizzically. "What?..."

Anko sighed. "It's important as a shinobi to be able to recognise poisons by their smell. For instance, what if someone tries to poison your meal or the meal of the client you're supposed to protect? If you don't know how to identify the poison, then you or the client could die. There are scentless poisons, but there are other ways of identifying them which we'll come to another day."

Sakura nodded in understanding.

"Right. First off, you're gonna close your eyes, and I'm going to hold some stuff up to your nose. You're going to try and identify them. If you recognise something, let me know."

She closed her eyes and they began 'Sniffer Dog Training' as Sakura dubbed it. Sakura was introduced to many odd smells, some smells she knew - "Toothpaste!? What the hell would you use toothpaste for in poisons!?" "It's commonly used to disguise the taste and smell of poisons, now shutup and get sniffing." - and others she was unfamiliar with. Whenever she didn't know a scent, Anko would tell her what it was and explain some of it's uses and she would familiarise herself with the object's smell as well as she could.

At one point when Anko held something up to her nose, Sakura reared back, tearing her eyes open.

"Ahh! What's that horrible smell!?" she gagged.

Anko glanced at the small bottle of powder in her hand. "What? This? Its sulfur."

"It stinks!"

"What! It smells just fine to me. It has a nice, unique scent."

"It smells like rotten eggs."

"But it smells so nice! Here, you'll see, just take a whiff."

"Keep it away from me!" Sakura cried, covering her nose with her hands protectively.

"Oh, come on. Just smell it!" Anko said innocently, although the evil grin on her face said otherwise.

In the end, the lesson turned into a game of chase. Sakura, running like her life depended on it, hands covering her nose, Anko chasing after her waving around a bottle of sulfur, the evilest grin painted across her face.

…

Naruto stood staring down at the polished black stone slab that was the memorial stone. His eyes were drawn to one name in particular: Uchiha Sasuke. His normally cheerful countenance was grim as melancholy thoughts filled his head.

 _'I Should have saved him. I should have been the one to take those hits, not him. Teme. He shouldn't have jumped in front of me like that. If he hadn't, maybe he'd still be alive today.'_

Sighing, he looked away from the name, trying to shift his thoughts onto less depressing matters.

' _Sakura should be here by now, we arranged to meet here at 8.00am. Where is she?'_

Footsteps drew his attention to the figure walking towards him.

"Sakura-chan, you're late! Where were you…" His voice drifted off as he took in her appearance. "Sakura-chan, what happened to you?"

Sakura looked up wearily and answered "Sniffer dog training."

Naruto gave her a quizzical look "Sniffer dog training?" then he caught a whiff of the smell hovering around her as she walked past him and covered his nose. "Sakura-chan, you smell like rotten eggs."

"Don't ask."


End file.
